fratboy51

During my freshman year, I lived in a dorm with a few of my eventual fraternity brothers. 4 of us (me, Attackin’, and 2 guys you’ll meet soon) pledged together, and El Hombre pledged the semester before the rest of us. We had a wonderful time during our first semester, and it was during this time that I had my first encounters with alcohol.

Anyways, we lived in a co-ed dorm on an absolutely lovely floor. By that, I mean all the girls we shared space with were very attractive. I actually had this conversation a number of times, and and multiple occasions it was decided that out of the roughly 30 girls who lived on our floor, we’d each plow roughly 25 of them. But I digress.

There was a core group of people who hung out during our first months at school together.  Its important that you meet some of these people, as some of them had a major impact on my life. They made me who I am today. They are:

Lloyd: My best friend through my first two years of school. Unfortunately, he transferred after that, but we still remain good friends. Could be described as an All-American boy, as he stood roughly 6′, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Has a very slight frame (didn’t break 100 lbs. until his junior year of high school), but always acted a lot bigger than he was. The most competitive person EVER, with a lust for Lil’ Wayne and Ice Cream sneakers. Absolutely in love with our school, and came close to actually being the school mascot. Easily makes the worst decisions ever (i.e., drinking screwdrivers the night before a final, shotgunning beers in a campus building), and an incredibly bad influence on me (I used to be straight edge. Good joke). Pledged with me, and also my roommate during our sophomore year.

ChickenLegs: Mine and Lloyd’s other main companion during our freshman year. Got his nickname for his twig-like legs, (he was otherwise relatively well built). Inventor of ‘the Goblet of Fire,’ which is, in short 4-5 shots of straight vodka poured into a cup, and taken all at once. The first alcoholic I ever met. Surprisingly, did not return to school for his sophomore year. Possesses the uncanny ability to have a conversation with just himself, and entertain a whole room. He never pledged, partly because he’s dumb. His parents pulled him out of school after his first year, where he attained a 1.8 GPA. Lloyd’s second roommate in the dorm, following…

The Leprechaun: The little man with the worst case of little-man syndrome EVER. Stood literally 5′2”, and refused to admit it. His height and his love for the Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish gave him his nickname. Often walked around shirtless, much to the displeasure of the entire floor. Got kicked out of school after his first semester (literally got a .5 GPA), and somehow managed to return back for 6 weeks, still getting meals, still getting into the Rec, and still not going to class. What a douche. We hated this kid. He never pledged, but always talked about how he was gonna come back and do it. We wouldn’t have let him.

There was also this HugeKid, who was literally a refrigerator.  6′8”, and AT LEAST 295 lbs. He was kind of a tool, but he was pretty funny, too. Probably mostly thanks to  his girth, he could sure drink a lot. He was kind of reminiscent of an ogre, though. He was huge, he was dirty, and he was smelly. Other than those things though, I got no qualms with HugeKid, other than he eventually ended up dropping the fraternity, although he was never initiated. Used to live with ChickenLegs, but ended up living in a dorm room by himself.

Wylie:  Nobody even knew this kid. He didn’t live in the dorm. He dated one of the girls we lived with though, and was always around. The main things I remember about this kid are his patchy beard shielding his acne, and his absolutely queer tattoo–last name on the shoulder, adorned with stars and sparkles. Seriously. Left school after his first semester, which is actually 100% correlated with the frattiest story of those first months.

Sticky:  This kid was a waste of life. He. Loved. Drugs. Maybe even moreso than Chinaman. He seriously used money his grandmother had sent him and spent it on acid. Obviously, he wasn’t around too long either. But he was tight, because Lloyd, ChickenLegs and I would be bored, and we’d say ‘Wanna fuck with Sticky?’ He was our punchingbag, and we loved him for it.

Tommorrow, I’ll introduce you to all the ladies of the floor. And then, the fun will begin…

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